“I had always known from a young age that something wasn’t quite right, I would tell myself I was just a little weird, a tad eccentric, just different from the rest, and that’s fine right? Well I thought so, and so I would go through my teens telling myself the same story. The same excuses. “No one will understand, no one will listen.” The shame of what I was feeling and the fear of not being understood, and the sheer horror of being labelled as “crazy” or “insane” was enough to silence me until I was 18 years old, when I finally saw no other option than to seek help I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, Obsessive Compulsive disorder.
Now I know what you’re thinking. “But you’re not tidy?” “You don’t freak out when things aren’t in the right order”. Whilst those are very real consequences of OCD, I myself was affected by the cruel mistress that is intrusive thoughts, a type of OCD which paralysed me for far too long. I wouldn’t go to a train station because I was too scared I would jump in front of it. I wouldn’t drive my car because I was too scared I would crash it, I couldn’t go to bed at night without turning the lights on 5 times each, or something bad would happen to my family. It soon overtook my life and the thoughts got darker and darker in nature to the point I was bed bound and couldn’t leave the house.
I have never been one for sharing my experiences with people, due to the fear of what people will think and how they would see me, but today, 4 November 2019, I was lucky enough to be part of an organisation that hosted an event for Movember at which Mitch Wallis shared his story and his experiences and I instantly felt touched because his story resonated so deeply with mine and made me realise that I am not the only one going through the battle, sharing is so powerful.
This isn’t a cry for help, I have support I need, this is coming from a place of empowerment and inspiration and if this post can make one person even think about thinking about opening up and seeking help, then it is”