I was quite destructive and aggressive in the past. I had issues that I couldn’t understand, or find solutions for, no matter where I looked.  

The first I heard about BPD was when I was diagnosed, nearly 10 years ago in my mid 30s. Before that they’d labelled it CPTSD, and I wasn’t told much about this new thing that I had. I went to my sister crying and she did what she could to help me find out what it was, but googling it made it worse because of what came up in the search results. Pretty scary stuff.

One of the worst things anyone ever said came from a mental health nurse at TAFE who was teaching us about various diagnoses. When he got to BPD he said “the only thing you can do is put them in prison or kill them”. He didn’t know at the time that he was talking about a person in that room.

The stigma was excruciating.  But we won’t be silenced. I am no less than my brothers and sisters, we are equal. Being insulted and marginalised inspired me to prove them wrong, and to grow through the discomfort.

Each day I am putting strategies in place to counteract the challenging parts of having BPD. I am proud of the fact that I can survive with this condition and act as a role model for people who have the diagnosis.

When I experience a symptom flare up, I have different things that work depending on how intense the feelings are. If I am just a bit off then I will get out into nature or play basketball, and I have a jar of quotes that I meditate on.

I get up every day now to help people who are where I was. I don’t want them to get stuck there or ultimately, end it there.

Tomorrow is my 45^th birthday, and it’s the first one that I’ve ever been excited for. I am looking forward to seeing what I can accomplish in a new year. I didn’t think I’d ever feel like that, so I’m very grateful.

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