I am now 54 and can still remember the night my spiral began. I was 14 and attended a local dance. As I was leaving the strobe light was flashing and it was like I went into another world. It was frightening, my first thoughts were that someone had drugged me – that would have been an easier scenario than what I was about to encounter.
The next day I felt very detached, like I was in a state of two worlds almost. I remember we had to visit relatives that day with my family and I stayed in the car all day – I didn’t want to be around people, I was scared of the feelings I was going through.
From this point things really started to get out of control, I developed a fear of leaving the house which then put pressure on going to school. I had to try and explain to my parents how I was feeling but I had no idea how to explain something I didn’t even understand myself.
Whilst my parents and family tried to understand what I was going through there was still the task ahead of going to school. There were days that I felt so bad I would pick up my bag and leave school – finally it got to the stage where they had no choice but to let me drop out just before I was 15 (1 year later).
Many years passed, my mates were travelling, going out partying and I was sitting at home wondering if I would ever do these things.
I spent my days sleeping through fear of being alone during the days and at nights I stayed up watching TV.
Ok, so off to my local GP – No idea, so get sent for scans of my brain (all good)
Next, off to the local counselling centre – No idea.
Next, off to the psychiatrist – Nope, never heard of what your describing.
Years later I finally found the right person who diagnosed me with Clinical depression, I took some meds for a while and slowly things got better.
So here I am at 54, I could go on for hours and hours about this. The best thing I have done is to start medication 15 months ago, it really helps take the edge off the anxiety.
I really wish that the help and support that is available now was around for me back then. I am still amazed and shocked today at the lack of “Good” therapists available. It seems like most are just in it for the money and have no real idea what we suffer……It’s a real shame.
Here’s to the future!!!